‘I think I’ve had anxiety since I was way younger. Though I didn’t realise that I had it or like knew what it really was until leaving uni. I think at uni a lot of socialising is centered around taking drugs and partying. At the time it just seems like fun. I guess it’s also a lot of smoking weed. Like everyday and stuff. And that’s definitely not very good for you. I don’t really smoke weed anymore.’
We sat in a park. We almost cancelled a couple of times because of the weather but the sun came out and it was lovely.
There was a very chaotic man that came over a couple times. He lost his passport and it was nowhere to be found. We tried to not stress too much once there was nothing we could do to help him.
‘It feels like anxiety is being human as well to a point. And I guess it’s also your association of or what you perceive as danger. Which is probably quite irrational a lot of the time but it seems pretty logical in your head. Until it’s a physical thing you don’t think about it too much, ‘cause it’s just like, oh it’s just in my head. But then also you don’t know that other people aren’t feeling the same thing too. It’s one of them weird mental health things I guess.’
‘I’ve been taking antidepressants or anti-anxiety medication for a year and a half now. I take citalopram. I have no idea what effects that is having because of COVID and everything. It’s like an impossible time. When I go to appointments with doctors they’d ask ‘oh so how do you feel, now after taking it for this long?’ I don’t fucking know, the whole world is crumbling apart. How do you expect me to tell you how this little 20mg of citalopram is doing to me? But then I was also in the mindset of: if it helped me cope with what was going on then what have you got to lose in a way? But I think now that things are calming down a bit I’d like to maybe try and come off it and then see if I did feel any different? I don’t know. I just find the whole thing of trying to get my meds really complicated as well. Since moving here and trying to change doctors and stuff, that’s been more of a stress in itself than it being worth even taking it in the first place. I don’t know if medication helps or not but, I think I’m in a better place mentally than I was when I first moved back from uni. It’s like different things to deal with though. But I think here I was stressing about not having a job and then not being able to fully enjoy myself because you feel like not being a 100% productive if you’re not applying for a job or putting your time into something exciting or worthwhile.’